In the now-defunct family that was the boy band *NSYNC, Lance Bass played the part of the attention-seeking middle child. Doughier than Justin Timberlake and paler than Joey Fatone, he coasted along on nice eyes, marginal talent and the public’s blissful unawareness of his sodomite leanings.
Then boy bands went bust, and suddenly buttsex was all that poor Lance had left. He tapped on the shoulders of every available American press outlet, saying, “Hey, guys! Remember me? I’m gay. I wasn’t gay when I was famous, but now that I’m a washout out, I’d wear Liza Minelli’s thong to the supermarket for a little attention.”
And as we all know, it totally worked. Dish hates how often we must make a Bass out of ourselves in this column, but a certain Lance item was so amusing that much of our breakfast martini came out of our nose.
It seems that Lance is playing the role of the other woman, as his current trainer/
wannabe-actor boyfriend Sebastian Leal has been married to a lady for the past nine years. The breeder union unofficially broke up three years ago, but the two never filed for divorce. The woman, Jessica Gannon, told Page 6 that “irreconcilable differences” caused the split.
Yeah, honey. Like the irreconcilable physiological difference between a penis and a vagina?
Dish doesn’t want to be mean, so we won’t to point out that dating Lance Bass might be a logical midpoint for someone making the transition from straight to gay.
How I met your fairy godmother
Dish made too many model airplanes as children, and the exposure to all that delicious wood glue has left us slightly vacuous. But a story has come along, and we know that it’s notable, but can’t quite find the right angle of snarkiness.
Towleroad reports that gay actor Neil Patrick Harris is set to appear on the upcom
Estelle Getty (Photo by AP)
ing season premiere of “Sesame Street” as a shoe fairy who does an extended song-and-dance number about the pleasures of buying footwear. One of the many people he sings to is a comely young man in tap shoes. And he carries a wand. But how should dish make fun of this?
Should Dish posit that NPH woke up after the filming in bed with Ernie, Bert and a big bottle of gin? Did he try and put his “big bird” into Oscar the Grouch’s “trash can?” All these possibilities tickle Dish’s Elmo, but we should at least try and respect the innocent spirit of a beloved children’s show.
But don’t even get us started on the smut fest that was “Doogie Howser, MD.”
‘Sophia’ takes her last bow
Trash talk aside, Dish was deeply saddened to hear that “Golden Girls” actress Estelle Getty died July 22 of acute dementia at the age of 84. Getty played foul-mouthed Sophia, whose frequent insults to the other cast members — one for being slutty, one for being old, one for looking like a man — gave many a bitchy homo something to quote at the bars.
Dish is not able to attend the funeral, but we hope that it involves plunging a tiny coffin into the world’s biggest cheesecake before setting the whole confection adrift to Valhalla on a raft made of dentures.
Fare-thee-well, Estelle. Thank you for being a potty-mouthed friend.
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