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By: RYAN LEE
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In order to avoid any confusion or heartbreak down the road, Corliss Thomas has learned that it’s best to share some fairly personal information with anyone with whom he might be interested in starting something romantic.
“The guys I date are always surprised when I tell them I’m a top,” said Thomas, who describes his look as a blend of punk rock and hip hop. “I like to be different, and I like that I’m different from what people might assume of me.
“This is an expression of me, and yeah, it’s femme and glittery,” he added. “That doesn’t mean this is all of me or that all of me is femme. It doesn’t mean that I’m trying to be a woman or that I want to play the woman’s role in the bedroom.”
Even in a city with a gay population as large as Atlanta’s, so many aspects of gay sexuality continue to be marginalized or derided. And although many gay men in Atlanta enjoy being penetrated during sex, the term “bottom” is often used as a slur the same way that “gay” is used on school playgrounds.
“They think you’re soft, or femme, or you don’t know how to use your dick,” said a 31-year-old Atlanta resident who asked to be identified as “Greg.”
“I know that’s not what all bottoms are, but that’s what people think,” said Greg, who is usually the receptive partner during anal sex, but doesn’t identify as a bottom. “I am versatile, and I do know how to use my dick, so I’m not lying. But saying I’m versatile might keep people from assuming all these other things about me, just because I like to get fucked.”
Greg had been sleeping with men for years before he was first penetrated during anal sex, mainly because of his fears about the physical pain. The first time he bottomed was a bittersweet experience.
“It was kind of exciting because I had gotten past that fear, or pain, or whatever it was that kept me from doing it before,” he said. “I was excited and kind of actually giddy, but it wasn’t something that I wanted to rush out and tell all of my friends. There were a few I wanted to share with, but I remember being not sure they would look at me different.”
The stigma around bottoming makes no sense to Daniel Wright.
“You figure for every two gay people in a relationship, at least one of them is going to be a bottom so it’s not rocket science — it’s part of the life,” Wright said.
So does that mean that 50 percent of gay men in Atlanta are bottoms?
“Oh, it’s probably a little higher than that,” Wright said with a laugh. “Many people don’t have family down here, and so we’re naturally freer. I know I wanted to try the whole menu when I got here, and I think that’s a common sensation that Atlanta provides.”
The assumption that the bottom partner is weaker is also inaccurate, Wright said.
“Bottoms have just as much control over everything, if not more,” he said. “If he doesn’t relax and let the top in, that’s the end of the story.”
Animosity toward bottoms can be particularly pronounced among black gay men, said a 41-year old man named “Donald.”
“A bottom is someone who is seen as weak or girly,” Donald said. “It’s like one more thing that you have to defend about yourself, that people are going to try to use against you to make you feel bad about who you are.
“The worst part is that it’s the bottoms that are the most hateful toward other bottoms, [saying], ‘Oh he’s nothing but a big old bottom,’ or ‘He’s just a lady with muscles,’” Donald said. “It kills me. Part of it may be competition. It’s just one more bottom to compete with when that 12-inch thing comes along.”
Thomas agreed that bottoms can be unforgiving in their judgment.
“I have had bottoms tell me I’m too femme to fuck them,” Thomas said. “I think Atlanta is really hung up on labels and that’s not good. We have all these gay people here, different types of gay people, and yet we want everyone to fit into a box. Why not let people be who they are?”
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