HOME > SOVO SCENE > BOOKS
By: Brian Suber
COMMENTS |
| 
For gay men, dating can be confounding, fun, time-consuming, exciting, nerve-wracking,
serious — and sometimes even successful.
In his book “The Mandates: 25 Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating,” pop
culture commentator Dave Singleton highlights both the funny and serious sides
of gay dating.
“I wanted to write something funny because dating is funny,” says
Singleton, a self-described reformed serial monogamist. “But I also wanted
to include the serious with some of the very poignant stories I heard.
Using first-person accounts from interviews with 175 men around the country,
the author put together a set of guidelines to help readers negotiate the man-to-man
minefield.
“I wanted to know what other guys were doing,” he says. “I
saw that we are spending a lot more time on this than we like to admit.”
Obstacles to successful dating include a lack of gay dating role models, the
focus on youth and beauty among men, the male ego and a lack of matchmaking
between gay men.
Singleton uses clear, concise and sometimes cutting language to guide guys
through dating. That includes what he calls the social A.D.D. of urban gay
men in which heads continuously turn from the abundance of potential dates
and “the next best thing” around the corner.
The advice in “Mandates” is accessible to guys at all stages of
dating. Some of the rules are elementary and obvious: Mandate #1: Following
Rules of Body Language; Mandate #14: Hit on Someone Your Own Size; and Mandate
#22: Be True to Your Own Standards.
But others may prove useful even to experienced players: Mandate #11: No One
Ever Learned to Love Anyone, Ever … Move On; and Mandate #15: Meeting
His Friends: The Ultimate Corporate Merger.
Other useful tips include how to gauge a CD collection or medicine chest and
how to type a potential date in the first five minutes of conversation.
“What Catholic priests have known for years, only on the rarest occasion
does any confession last longer than five minutes,” Singleton writes.
There are also tidbits on what not to say in the first six months; how to
weigh “heinous” versus “forgivable” dating sins; and
how to broach the subject of monogamy.
Some guys might find Mandate #18 useful: Having an extra toothbrush, spare
contact lens case and two articles of his clothing at your home are good indicators
that you have graduated to boyfriend status.
The author lays out pickup lines that should be avoided at all costs and offers
advice on cyber dating that includes how to build the perfect online profile.
Singleton also types modern gay men — like Boy Next Door and Billy the
Gay Clone Doll — and writes a good deal about a new anomaly in the gay
dating world, what he dubs the Otherwise Straight Guy. For guys who have trouble
separating tricks from potential relationships, Singleton also explains the
difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now.
“Mandates” also tackles prickly topics such as sex on the first
date (Singleton’s advice: “Don’t. Unless you’re in
a foreign country and one of you is leaving the next day), what constitutes
a real date versus “sex dates,” and drug and alcohol use by a potential
partner.
The author acknowledges that gay dating is different from straight dating
(“Don’t Try to be Ozzie and Harriet — Even Ozzie and Harriet
Weren’t Ozzie and Harriet”).
Singleton wraps up his pointers with a handy self-test for gauging mastery
of “The Mandates,” as well as “16 Great Things About Not
Dating Someone of the Opposite Sex” and a primer on the “Do’s
and Don’ts” of gay dating.
Intermingling true stories and sound advice, the author pulls together a fun
and forthright guidebook for any man diving into the deep end of the gay dating
pool.
| 
